“The Kerry – Assad Mutual Admiration Society or

There Is No Such Thing as a Bad Dictator”

According to the Associated Press, “Senator John F. Kerry emerged from his meeting with Syrian President Bashar Assad even more resolute in his beliefs the U.S. must begin talks with Damascus as it seeks a solution to the turmoil in Iraq.” As televisions church lady might say, “How special!”

“I feel quite confident in saying this was a conversation worth having and that the (Bush) administration ought to pursue it," Kerry said in a telephone interview with The Associated Press from Jerusalem, where he traveled after meeting with Assad in Syria. "I feel very strongly about that. ... It's worth following up on a number of avenues."

Kerry said he was impressed by the fact that during the entire two hour meeting with Assad “he never once made any overt comments or engaged in any actions that would be considered harmful to either Lebanon or Iraq.” Asked what significance this fact had, Kerry said “What’s your point?”

Trying to clarify his question the reporter asked does this mean we can control Assad if we “just stay in the same room with him 24 hours a day?”

“Look,” Kerry said, “for two whole hours we saw this man refrain from ordering intervention in Lebanon’s political turmoil, or dispatching assassins to kill Lebanese politicians and we certainly didn’t see him supply any money, or weapons to insurgents crossing over into Iraq”

Kerry asked, “If this man were truly our enemy would he be able to control himself so completely for over two hours?” He implied the Bush administration was the only thing obstacle between peace and tranquility between Iraq and Syria.

"We explored the whys and wherefores of a number of the choices he's been making," said Kerry of the Assad meeting. “He’s a good boy, and if Dubya would only open negotiations with Syria, this whole mess could begin to wind down.”

Reporters left the press conference with Senator Kerry and went immediately to interview Syrian President Bashar Assad. They asked him about the Kerry meeting. Through his interpreter Assad said, “he seems like a nice man, though a little ponderous. I did tell him I liked him in the Addams Family.”

Jack Edwards, the 6 year old son of potential 2008 Democrat presidential candidate John Edwards, today weighed in on the Wal Mart labor situation. Young Jack called a press conference to attack the “doody heads at Wal Mart” for not having “nap time and cookie breaks” for their workers.

When asked by a right wing nut job reporter from Fox News Channel if his father – the former Senator from North Carolina and 2004 Vice Presidential candidate – was responsible for helping him formulate this opinion, Jack, with thumb stuck firmly in his mouth (Teresa Hines Kerry being nowhere in sight) said “Yeath.”

John Edwards immediately handed Jack to his wife Elizabeth and began berating the reporter. “How dare you imply that my six year old son does not have the prerequisite skills to fully comprehend the socioeconomic calamity that Wal Mart has visited upon the average working woman and man?”

Mr. Edwards continued “Jack has come to the conclusion – of his own volition – that it was a travesty that classmates of his were buying sneakers in Wal Mart.” “Dada, these actions are giving boo boos to families all over America,” he told me the just the other day. “As it says in the Bible,” Mr. Edwards said gazing heavenward, “…and a little child shall lead them!”

“Why just this morning Milton Freidman, Jack and I were on a conference call discussing the tremendous pressure that the depressed wages offered by Wal Mart…”

“Excuse me, Senator Edwards,” asked the reporter. “Did you say that you and your son were on a conference call with Milton Freidman this morning?”

“That’s right” said Edwards, “we were discussing his theory of economic stabilization through steady monetary growth…”

“But, sir, Milton Freidman died this morning,” the reporter noted.

“Funny, he didn’t sound ill during our call,” said Edwards. “How tragic, cut down in the prime of his life, without the proper medical care due to the inaction of the do nothing Republican Congress and President and exacerbated and abetted by the likes of Wal Mart.”

Like a revival preacher Edwards continued attacking the “vast right wing conspiracy that stole the 2004 election” that he and John Kerry and won fair and square. And because of these dastardly deeds, a good man like Milton Freidman is struck down in the prime of his life, and men like Christopher Reeve can’t walk”.

Mr. Edwards was then asked if he knew that Christopher Reeve had passed away over two years ago and that Mr. Freidman was 94 at the time of his passing.

“You’re talking statistics and I’m talking people…flesh and blood people.” “Don’t try to hide behind these statistics,” he then said.

“Look, we’re here to discuss Wal Mart and its corporate insensitivity and mistreatment of its workers.” “That’s the bottom line…and we’ll keep the pressure on Wal Mart until they change their ways!”

“Mr. Edwards is this attack on Wal Mart because they would not assist you in getting a PlayStation 3 earlier than the official release date,” asked one reporter?

John Edwards snorted derisively, “of course not!” Little Jack – still sucking his thumb (Teresa Kerry still nowhere in sight) said “Yeath!”

A little child shall - in fact - lead them!